By Carley Taylor
A few months ago I broke up with my very first boyfriend. I felt so much fear and anxiety when coming to terms with the break up, realizing and understanding the fact that I would lose so many friends in the process, and having the courage to actually go through with it.
Not even mentioning the chaos that took place after the fact: un-adding, awkward encounters, pretending that we were capable of being friends (Delusional). I liked to pretend that I didn’t care hence the shirt featured in the picture which I wore days after the breakup to a concert, but soon I would actually begin to move on.
I thought that I had left that fear and anxiety in the past, but here I am as I enter into this new stage of fear and anxiety. One that isn’t the ending of a relationship, but what might be the beginning of a new one. This is a very different form of both fear and anxiety considering the aforementioned events. This fear and anxiety revolves around having to meet and get to know someone who is a complete stranger, having the worry that I will have to go through that same process all over again if it doesn’t work out, and that maybe I actually do like him.
Part of me kind of put into the universe that men sucked after the breakup, they still kind of do. This is still how I feel, but this guy is actually pretty great (my family and Ashly actually agree which they definitely didn’t think about the ex).
This guy is the definition of a green flag. I mean opening the car door for me, paying for my food, and is quick to ask me about me. Yes, I know these aren’t big asks but you should’ve seen the other guy. All of these things made me feel great, but also made me feel such fear and anxiety because what if I really did like him like REALLY LIKE HIM?
All of the people around me are telling me to just let it all go and go for it. It’s a constant battle between my heart and my mind. All of this reminded me of a quote Ashly sent me: “Is it scary to think about falling in love again? Opening my heart up to someone who could potentially damage it even worse than he did? Of course, it is. But that’s what love is right? Love is taking risks regardless of the outcome” by Alissa Derogatis from Call It What You Want.
I guess check back in a few weeks and see if I still feel this way.
One response to “Dating Again After a Hard Breakup”
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